How To Adult: Buying A Washing Machine

In my first instalment of ‘How to Adult’ I taught you how to make a double bed. I suggest you read that post first to truly prepare yourself for the challenge we are about to face.

Part One: Before You Buy

Step One: Decide to rent a house or flat that does not already have a washing machine installed. If you’re buying a house or flat then you are already doing way too much adulting and you probably have better things to do than read my little blog.

Step Two: Panic a little bit – not too much though – just enough to need to sit for a little while or pour a glass of wine.

Step Three: Phone my mum (I mean, you can phone your own mum if you think phoning mine would be awkward, but there’s no guarantee your mum will know shit about washing machines).

Step Four: Now, you have just had to listen to my mum talk about cold water only feeds and load capacity, so it’s probably time to have another glass of wine.

Part Two: Buying a Machine

Step Five: Check your bank balance.

Step Six: Panic a little bit more. A glass of wine wouldn’t go amiss at this stage. (This is an optional step you only have to take if your bank balance looks anything like mine…)

Step Seven: Buy a washing machine! I guess there are shops where you can go to do this, but what the hell are you doing going to shops? It’s 2016! Shop online in your pyjamas whilst balancing leftover pizza on your knee like a normal person.

Part Three: Installation

Step Eight: Check to see if your new home has the necessary plumbing for a washing machine. If you don’t know what you’re looking for, ask your landlord/estate agent/my mum, they should know.

Adult Tip: Most newer washing machines are cold feed only, meaning they only take in cold water and heat it in the machine. Older machines need cold and hot water inputs. I have no idea how you check which you have, but enjoy this tip all the same.

Step Eight-and-a-Half: If you do not have the necessary plumbing, might be time to call a plumber. Or just panic some more. Wine might help?

If you are buying a second hand washing machine:

Step Nine: Talk to your more adult friends and family members and see if any of them know how to install a washing machine. If your friends and family are useless or untrustworthy, call a local plumber, or just do it yourself and risk having a swimming pool where your kitchen once was. Whatever man, swimming pools are cool.

If you are buying a new washing machine:

Step Nine: You can go for step nine as above, but (usually) if you buy a new machine you can pay a tiny bit extra and a nice person will bring it to your home and install it for you. I went for this option because four of these steps involved wine, so I’m in no fit state to install a damn washing machine.

Adult Tip: If you’re feeling like a fancy adult, you could take a moment to tidy and hoover your home. This way, when the person arrives to install the machine, they will think that you have your shit together. Alternatively, you can oversleep and have to answer the door in your pyjamas. But you really shouldn’t follow every example I set.

Final Step: Now that you have a shiny new washing machine, you can put your feet up, relax, have a glass of wine, and contemplate whether or not you can be bothered to actually put a wash on.

A.